How many of us have them?
Ones you can depend on????
I guess the real question in that song should be…
How many have you grown apart from?
I’m not talking about those “friends” who are only considered friends because you go to the same school , work at the same place or come from the same town. No. I mean those real friends. The friend you told about kissing a girl that one time. The friend who you took care of when they were shit faced. The one who has so much dirt on you they walk around looking like Pig Pen in his Halloween costume.
And you will definitely be haunted by that fact now that you’ve grown apart from them.
Now that I think about it I need to get my lawyer to draw up some NDAs (nondisclosure agreements) for my friends STAT!
By now you’ve probably been reading my posts and wondering
WHO THE HELL HURT YOU LADY?!
Rest assured that I not only write from experience but secondary experience i.e. shit my friends have been through. Mostly, I write from somewhere in between.
This is the in between.
Let’s discuss how it feels when you grow apart from someone you were once close to.
Solid friendships usually develop during a major milestone in which two people prove they have a strong connection based on experiences and time. Those milestones could be college, working environments, or connecting over the guy who was cheating on you both (no judgement).
College roommate turned bestie.
Coworker turned confidant; connecting over your similar home life issues at work.
Enemy turned friend while eating a tub of rocky road and complaining how he ain’t shit.
Friendships blossom spontaneously and they give you someone in this world who loves and understands you. That’s why it hurts when you grow apart. A rift turns into the grand canyon until one day you realize that you’ve truly lost your friend because so much time has passed and you don’t even know each other anymore.
I don’t have all the answers on why people grow apart. I do know that people change. We play specific roles in different areas of our life and the lives of other people. So, maybe that person no longer has the traits or characteristics necessary to comfortably fill that role in your life. That “fun” friend may have become more responsible and serious since his girlfriend had the baby. The “understanding” friend may have backed away to tend to their own personal emotional issues. That best friend may have lost herself for a while and then found a new version of herself that doesn’t include you. OUCH.
That one stung.
I asked around to see the responses to “What is the hardest part when growing apart from someone you were once close to?” Here’s what I got…
“When something happens to you whether it’s amazing or sad and the first person you want to talk to is that person. Then you remember y’all aren’t close anymore.”
Truly being close to someone or calling them a friend means that you include them in the highlights of your life. They’re usually one of the first people who you trust with information or want to share an experience with. You seek their advice or opinion often and cherish feedback that they give you about your life. When you grow apart you lose all of that. More importantly, they lose it as well.
“Getting over the memories that like to replay themselves”
How many can relate to that 4 a.m. insomnia fest that brings up every memory, good and bad, about that lost friend or lover. Could it be the grease from that midnight pizza that’s causing this mental regurgitation or the unsettling feeling of never getting closure?
“Trying not to blame yourself (when it’s not your fault)”
It’s not your fault and sometimes it’s not theirs either. Growing apart is usually a result of growth if there was no rift to act as a catalyst. Growth is a staple of life. Your friend may have just grown in another direction but whose to say that in one of your growth spurts you two won’t reconnect stronger than ever.
“It’s like a betrayal to the love you thought you had with that person because it couldn’t stand up against life or time”
I have this guy bestie who lives on the other side of the country and has traveled the world. We go months without talking. But when we do it’s like no time at all has passed. It’s a very special connection that I hold dear to my heart but the truth is not every friendship is built that way. It can be hurtful once you come to this realization but does that mean the love you had with that person is weaker?
Tell me, what’s the hardest part for you when growing apart from someone you were once close to? Comment below and Let’s Talk.