Like a family, my group of friends are dysfunctional AF. Yet, the very different personalities, unique to each individual friend, seem to fit like a puzzle together. And I’ll let you in on a little secret, not all of us are ballin’ out of control, have our life figured out and are taking group pictures around the world with hashtag #SquadGoals.
Okay, that was one time. Let’s get back the point shall we?
Friendship Application Requirements
I love seeing women with arms outstretched, one leg bent, taking stunning photos in the clearest water you’ve ever laid eyes on. One undoubtedly is a money-making entrepreneur, there’s at least two with a master’s degree, and of course the token friend that is a “free spirit” READ: Still figuring her shit out. And while this is sometimes a true representation of powerful women sharing wonderful friendships, sometimes I wonder if it’s becoming a requirement to be the generic definition of “successful” in order to exclaim #SquadGoals. Beyond that Sunrise filter edited at 10% brightness, is there really a deeper sisterhood or is it all being staged to show off shiny ideas of success?
Could you still use that hashtag after taking a photo of you and your group of friends having a deep discussion about financial issues. Hypothetically of course, please don’t post your bestie on Instagram with her mascara smeared with #RealTears #FinancialTalkswithBestie #OnlyGodCanJudge.
I’m sure she won’t appreciate that because the truth is we not only put our best foot forward on social media but we inadvertently compete on an individual level and squad level as well.
My Squad is Better Than Yours!
When I see a perfectly edited photo of a group of ladies whose poses are just right, hair just right and bathing suits that match, my first thought is usually “Damn they’re gorgeous,” followed by “How did they coordinate all this when me and my squad can’t even coordinate responding to each other in our group chat on Facebook Messenger?”
Reading the caption only leads to further confusion as I search for a reason besides educational qualifications and high money brackets as to why I should aspire to these particular squad goals. Then my question becomes, are we taking trips because we love one another and need to spend some quality time or is stunting for the gram one of the main objectives for a weekend in the cabins or a cruise to Cuba?
We know that birds of a feather flock but are we selecting and using our friends as an accessory show piece of our own success? Sending the message that your squad is simply the best because you’re composed of homeowners, working wives and master degrees instead of dependable, honest and talented women.
It’s equally possible to have friends who are “successful” and amazing girlfriends; however, more often than not we don’t really read or see a whole caption dedicated to highlighting these features equally. Money, education, maternal status, marital status, and entrepreneurship are placed in the spotlight while attributes that affect the friendship every day like active listening, prayer, and those random I love you texts are placed on the back burner. We should surround ourselves with individuals who reflect our ambition, intelligence and experiences but we shouldn’t let a friend(s) lack of those things exclude them from our idea of having successful friends.
When you take away the filter, emojis and Oprah Winfrey quotes, do you have friends that would love and claim you if you were flipping burgers at Burger King? Can you still be a work in progress and still be #SquadGoals with a group of ladies who are a mixture of moms, youthful mistakes, and education like my own? I present these questions as a way that asks us to reflect on changing our view of what success looks like in our group of friends.
Fact: Not every friend is going to have killer abs.
Fact: Not every friend is going to have a big bank account.
Fact: Friends find their own definition of success at their own pace.
Fact: Not every friend will have traditional education.
This is not to down all the squads out there who have all or none of these things. I just want to point out that it’s okay to say you love your group of friends because they understand the real you versus the fact that they are successful in their personal, professional lives.
The fact that I can snot cry to my best friend, talk trash about politics with my other girlfriends and find laughter through our strained correspondence makes me realize that these are in fact squad goals. Having women who love you past distance, time and availability in our lives feels pretty ducking inspirational to me.
What are your thoughts on #SquadGoals and the trend of #Goals in general? Comment below and Let’s Talk!