A good friend tells you about their engagement, and after the screaming finally wanes and the tears dry she/he asks you to be a part of their celebration of love. OF COURSE you say yes but there are a few things you should consider before you hit them with a hasty “I DO!”
Can Your Schedule Take Another Hit?
DOWN GOES FRAZIER!
I admit, I’m not the busiest person in the world. However, taking on extra commitments like being in a wedding, outside of permanent ones, like work can put any person in a tight spot. Here’s why, when you say yes you’re not just agreeing to show up the day of the wedding, dressed in Oscar nominee attire, ready to get drunk and dance the night away to their love. No.
You’re saying YES, I will find the time to go help select dresses. Yes, I will go get fitted and measured. Yes, I will be there for that bachelorette/bachelor party, and yes, I will be at the rehearsals. And because schedules change on their end as well as yours you can often find it difficult to keep all those commitments. This puts you in at a disadvantage as you don’t want to inadvertently tell them, by not participating, that they’re fittings, parties, and rehearsals aren’t important, when the truth is that they’re just simply incompatible with your schedule.
Can You Finance Their Joy?
Weddings are BIG BUSINESS and the Bride/Groom aren’t the only ones footing the full cost of their union. Just ask anyone who’s been in a bridal party lately what they spent on paying for their dress/tux, shoes, hair and celebrating the end of their loved one’s single life with an epic night (Okay….that night is definitely worth it, penis shaped cake anyone?!)
These are the financial aspects you should consider especially if you’re working with a budget with virtually no breathing room. The cost of something like being in a wedding is definitely not a usual category on your budget spreadsheet but the money has to come from somewhere.
Do I still need to get them a gift or am I the gift? I know what you’re thinking…Come On Let’s Build, don’t be that cheap. But I honestly don’t have a choice in the matter, between a squeezed schedule and an unforgiving budget, I maxed out on my limit for this wedding one dress and two fittings ago. Because, ya know, life and gas. It is however a fair question. If I had considered all of these things before, I could’ve possibly saved money to get a really nice I’M HAPPY YOU GUYS FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE gift. But alas, as I rush to stand up with the beautiful bride after work on a Saturday afternoon, I think my being present IS the only present they will receive. It’s practically the only one I can afford.
How to Say “I Don’t”
Okay, first…definitely don’t say it like that. It is okay to still feel honored and happy for your friend as you tell them that you would much rather be a part of their celebration as a part of the audience and not as a part of the main cast. You can mention that because of your schedule and budget that you wouldn’t be able to partake in the festivities in a joyous way without being stressed BUT you will be able to show up the day of, ready to catch bouquets, make bad toasts and share in the love! (Mention bringing a really awesome wedding gift too!) Your friend will understand and you could save yourself the unnecessary mental/financial hassles distracting you from such a beautiful moment.
Hey Builders! In light of wedding season, tell me about your experiences being in a friend’s/relative’s wedding. Comment below and Let’s Talk!