Sometimes Simple. Sometimes Ruthless.
Always A WHOLE Mood.
I’ve added the word NO to my vocabulary without the embellishment of a lengthy explanation to follow. I’ve stopped making my face bend to the will of others and let the “Fuck YOU” flash across my forehead like a warning sign.
I no longer laugh at jokes I don’t find funny or enthusiastically say “Yes, I can get that done!” when there is a mountain of other priorities that need my attention. I choose not to grin and bare it. I no longer indulge myself in the likes and perceptions of others to the detriment of my own. I’ve discovered the power of dislike in so many ways in 2019 thus far that I’m convinced it will be the theme of my entire year.
If in discovering the power of my dislikes makes others start to dislike me then I will admire that they’ve found power in that truth and continue to love myself. Building up the person I AM and breaking down the person anyone thinks I should be.
I Like me, LIKE ME
I had to do some reflecting on this theme after it started to occur in different areas of my life like at work, in friendships and family interactions. I discovered that I had allowed myself to be held hostage to this idea that to be “likeable” I needed to behave a certain which in turn meant me doing many things I didn’t enjoy or pushed my own likes to the side for the sake of being LIKED.
What was it about me that needed to appease others? What was it that made me afraid to show my dislike for something. The people pleaser in me that I thought I had sedated long ago was more infiltrated into my personality than I gave it credit for. The PP in me required me to show up to work after crying through grief all night to only showcase someone who was jolly and hard-working because I was more palatable that way. But who the fuck did they expect me to be?…Santa Claus? More importantly, who the fuck did I expect me to be? Who was I underneath it all and could I like me without the mask that didn’t allow me to express my true emotions/thoughts? Could I like me even if no one else did?…the answer was/is yes.
Birth Of a REAL person
I couldn’t keep up with the good girl image that was the default perception who I was. I wanted to curse sometimes and on the mornings when I woke up in a bitchy mood I didn’t want to stuff it down just to listen to a friend’s problems. Being my true self meant accepting the full spectrum of who I am. I don’t want to go out when I can stay in and chill with my cat (sounds sad AF but its Lit).
Most weekends I don’t want to drink the way I did when I was 23, I don’t want to make other people feel more comfortable by giving a buffer in a stressful conversation because I don’t have the energy.
I’ve found the power in disliking things instead of being agreeable freed me from this internalized expectation that I need to LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, AGREE, AGREE, AGREE in order to be liked. I’m not a changed person but a REAL person. I’m letting go of the need to be liked as a way to validate my self-worth and social value. If in discovering the power of dislikes makes others start to dislike me then I will admire that they’ve found power in that truth and continue to love myself. Building up the person I AM and breaking down the person anyone thinks I should be.
BUILDERS! LET’S TALK, Have you discovered the power of dislike in your life? Tell me how in the comments and follow me on Instagram @Lets_Build_Futures