My Complicated Love Affair with Clothes

Some people dress to impress.

I dress to reflect my energy; sometimes quite literally wearing my heart on my sleeve. Using clothes as an expression of myself is nothing new to me. I remember the days as a teen when I wore bright colors and rocker tees to highlight the unique contradictions of my personality.

Then there was the lost phase in college when I wore the closest thing I owned to fit into whatever trend was hot at the moment. A representation of me trying to fit into popular culture. The metaphor for that phase is trying to squeeze cup size double Ds into an XS tube top; it wasn’t a fit.

Now I find myself here.

Crop tops, lace, high waisted jeans, lingerie, comfy shoes, and clutches. I wear beautiful simplistic clothing as a reflection of myself. This self portrait is one that defies others definition of who I am and how I should be. To say the least I’m not your traditional definition of modest in my dressing. I embrace my sensuality and celebrate features of my body once ridiculed. Small waist. Long legs. Zero hips.

Redefining the way I dress helps me to let go of  the kind woman the world thinks I should be. 

 

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I use to dress for others people’s reflection of me. I’d tone down my outfits to save an argument or create comfort. Until I understood that people like men already have enough say over what women wear.

That spills into our subconscious and presents itself as “morals & values” when I’m quietly told not to show THAT much skin or post too many pictures in THAT kind of outfit. I would often ask myself how another would feel if I wore what I wanted; I now only ask myself how I would feel.

Would I feel powerful? Would I feel honest? What about sexy? Free? These words have become a routine for me. Only placing against my skin what represents or brings out those emotions.

Sometimes I have my own photo shoots. Especially now when staying home is no longer just an option but a mandate. I pair my confusing emotions with articles of clothing. Sweet and sensual. Tomboyish and sexy. Carefree and simple.

Clothing is so much more than what we wear. It can represent what we feel. My Complicated love affair began as a teenager and has continued into my womanhood.

This affair will last until I’m old and the world tries to tell me what’s “appropriate” for a woman my age. Even then my clothes will help me rebel. Help me hide or confront. Because they help me be…me.

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2 thoughts on “My Complicated Love Affair with Clothes

  1. “I used to dress for other people’s reflection of me.” That made me stop and reflect. I had a phase of depression where I purposely wore only black and grey. Worst time of my life. I really wanted to be comforted but I portrayed myself as wanting to be left alone and it killed my positive energy. Now I look for colors lots of bright colors, because I need to let people know I’m happy and everyday is a special occasion. I have so much to live for. Thank you for this post. I know it wasn’t meant to go that deep but you took me there 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love deep! Lol because that’s the place I write from; for me growing up we didn’t have money to get new clothes especially school clothes so I had to be creative; then when I started working I brought clothes that fit the image I wanted to projected mixed with the things I couldn’t previously afford. Needless to say I got picked on but ppl also took much of my style and remixed it as their own. And as I embraced myself I began to realize that while everyone was dressing the same to conform; I was dressing to simply be myself. Which stood out anyway.

      Our fashion journeys are such a reflection of our life journey because they are an accessory to our personalities if we allow it. Thank you for sharing your story! I definitely see myself reflected in your words 💛

      Like

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