Like a family, my group of friends are dysfunctional AF. Yet, the very different personalities, unique to each individual friend, seem to fit like a puzzle together. And I’ll let you in on a little secret, not all of us are ballin’ out of control, have our life figured out and are taking group pictures around the world with hashtag #SquadGoals.

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Okay, that was one time. Let’s get back the point shall we?

 

Friendship Application Requirements

I love seeing women with arms outstretched, one leg bent, taking stunning photos in the clearest water you’ve ever laid eyes on. One undoubtedly is a money-making entrepreneur, there’s at least two with a master’s degree, and of course the token friend that is a “free spirit” READ: Still figuring her shit out. And while this is sometimes a true representation of powerful women sharing wonderful friendships, sometimes I wonder if it’s becoming a requirement to be the generic definition of “successful” in order to exclaim #SquadGoals.  Beyond that Sunrise filter edited at 10% brightness, is there really a deeper sisterhood or is it all being staged to show off shiny ideas of success?

Could you still use that hashtag after taking a photo of you and your group of friends having a deep discussion about financial issues. Hypothetically of course, please don’t post your bestie on Instagram with her mascara smeared with #RealTears #FinancialTalkswithBestie #OnlyGodCanJudge.

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I’m sure she won’t appreciate that because the truth is we not only put our best foot forward on social media but we inadvertently compete on an individual level and squad level as well.

 

My Squad is Better Than Yours!

When I see a perfectly edited photo of a group of ladies whose poses are just right, hair just right and bathing suits that match, my first thought is usually “Damn they’re gorgeous,” followed by “How did they coordinate all this when me and my squad can’t even coordinate responding to each other in our group chat on Facebook Messenger?”

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Reading the caption only leads to further confusion as I search for a reason besides educational qualifications and high money brackets as to why I should aspire to these particular squad goals. Then my question becomes, are we taking trips because we love one another and need to spend some quality time or is stunting for the gram one of the main objectives for a weekend in the cabins or a cruise to Cuba?

We know that birds of a feather flock but are we selecting and using our friends as an accessory show piece of our own success? Sending the message that your squad is simply the best because you’re composed of homeowners, working wives and master degrees instead of dependable, honest and talented women.

 

Highlights

It’s equally possible to have friends who are “successful” and amazing girlfriends; however, more often than not we don’t really read or see a whole caption dedicated to highlighting these features equally. Money, education, maternal status, marital status, and entrepreneurship are placed in the spotlight while attributes that affect the friendship every day like active listening, prayer, and those random I love you texts are placed on the back burner.  We should surround ourselves with individuals who reflect our ambition, intelligence and experiences but we shouldn’t let a friend(s) lack of those things exclude them from our idea of having successful friends.

 

Unfiltered

When you take away the filter, emojis and Oprah Winfrey quotes, do you have friends that would love and claim you if you were flipping burgers at Burger King? Can you still be a work in progress and still be #SquadGoals with a group of ladies who are a mixture of moms, youthful mistakes, and education like my own? I present these questions as a way that asks us to reflect on changing our view of what success looks like in our group of friends.

Fact: Not every friend is going to have killer abs.

Fact: Not every friend is going to have a big bank account.

Fact: Friends find their own definition of success at their own pace.

Fact: Not every friend will have traditional education.

This is not to down all the squads out there who have all or none of these things. I just want to point out that it’s okay to say you love your group of friends because they understand the real you versus the fact that they are successful in their personal, professional lives.

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The fact that I can snot cry to my best friend, talk trash about politics with my other girlfriends and find laughter through our strained correspondence makes me realize that these are in fact squad goals. Having women who love you past distance, time and availability in our lives feels pretty ducking inspirational to me.

 

 

#SquadGoals

 

What are your thoughts on #SquadGoals and the trend of #Goals in general? Comment below and Let’s Talk!

 

 

 

Giving Support does not equal Getting Support.

This has been a sobering reality as I’ve embarked on the journey to explore my dream, ideas, and goals for the Let’s Build Mentoring Program and my blog.

Where the hell are my day ones on day two?

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Some close friends and family seem like the last ones to get on the train when it comes to supporting your dream. Could it be because they’re unsure of the destination, unclear on the goal or that it just doesn’t seem like something of interest until others hop on?

I’m exploring this question because I found myself feeling a little jaded and unsupported throughout my young entrepreneurial career in which I looked at how I freely give support and encouragement but felt I have not received the same back from those closest to me.

So I lashed out a little in posting…

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That was the Krystal from a week ago. (So immature, eye-roll)

I have now come to other revelations that have helped me to understand what may be lying underneath the surface.

Like maybe I’m part of the issue. 

In the words of the great Ms. Badu

“I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my sh*t!”

I feel that way in my writing. Vulnerability being the culprit. I have a love/hate relationship with putting my thoughts out there so I hide it from those who would be the most honest with me. Insecurity and fear of judgement also play a part.

I just need to grow a pair in that area.

 

You’re supportive in nature.

I’ve always found pure joy in rooting for others. Maybe it’s the people pleaser in me or the fact that I can relate to wanting to be understood.

As Oprah says everyone just wants to be heard. Whatever the reason, I find myself hyping up associates, friends, and family alike whenever I’m told about a goal or dream. Hell, even when I see a random selfie.

I am especially more fierce in showing support and love for others on social networks now because I see how hard it is to build up a following around a project.

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To me it takes very little time to show your support for someone in the online world. So why is it that so many are having trouble garnering support from those closest to them. The truth is, just like lending money, in offering support you should not expect it back.

But here are some other reasons outside of yourself that could explain the cricket sounds surrounding your dream.

 

 

They Don’t understand what the hell you’re doing or how to support it.

I think when we’re passionate about starting a business or venturing off on our own we hit family and friends with the headliners of the grand plan. This can translate to them as a pursuit that is either outrageous or complicated.

Uncle Leon may know how to DM the ladies on Facebook with the one hit pickup line he’s been using since 1974…

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but that doesn’t mean he knows what a blog is. Your grandma may be happy you’re attending college but may not understand you explaining Public relations to her when discussing opening your own PR business. Slow it down, take your time in explaining the basics and discuss small ways they can support your endeavor.

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Your pursuit makes them uneasy.

Seeing you pursue your dreams/passions causes others to look inward at their own life. This can go one of two ways:

It will either inspire them to pursue their own dreams (True story happened to me S/O to some of my Instagram/Facebook followers)

OR

It will insight them to resentment as it is a reminder of you doing something they feel incapable of or afraid to do. For this reason people will only support you for as much as is comfortable for them to. Don’t sweat it. (True story happened to me S/O to some of my Instagram/Facebook followers!)

What can I say?…I’m human.

 

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Their support got lost in translation.

You may have a specific way that you show your support for others whether it’s likes, verbal encouragement or actually taking the time to read/buy/subscribe etc…

Your family and friends may have their own definitions of supporting your dreams. For example, my guy hates reading (I’ll break up with him soon, I promise); however, his verbal encouragement when I’m down, answering my “research questions” for my blog, and quick glance overs of my writing are all ways he shows his support for what I’m attempting to do.

 

 

They have their own shit.

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Expecting your loved ones to shout your business/project/dream from the mountain top to all they know is a little unrealistic. They may have their own shit going on in which it takes up most of their time/attention/money.

They aren’t as passionate about your dream as you are and that’s okay, that dream is yours because YOU are the one who loves it. It is then your duty to build up that dream in a way that it will appeal to even the least supportive in the pack.

They secretly hate you.

JUST KIDDING!!! HA.

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The point.

Relax young grasshopper.

It takes time to build support around your dream.

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Honestly, you need that time to perfect and tailor your dream to something that can be useful to all who encounter it anyway. Stop being so hard on yourself and stop being so judgey toward your loved ones.

Trust me, when your idea does takeoff that will be all the (TOLD YOU SO) you need. Some people get lucky and win the lottery big but don’t ignore that scratch off for $10; just go buy you a happy meal and keep grindin’.

#LetsBuild

 

 

Disclaimer: After reading this some friends and family may be tempted to contact LetsBuild via phone or text.

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DO. NOT. 

I had to explore this topic; it called out to me like my name was Carol-Anne.