My favorite part of when people come over is when they leave. (Ha) I’m only half serious.

There’s something soothing about having a place in this world where you can escape the questions, expectations, pleasantries and clothing (nudist apartment anyone?) But it took me a while to really understand the value of physical space for the welfare of my mental and emotional health.

Not every situation is the same; so I fully understand people who have pleasant experiences staying with parents to save for the future but let’s give a voice to another side to living with the folks to save a buck, shall we?

Here’s some advice about not taking advice.

Golden Shower Advice

The mounting financial hardships we young adults face today, due to choices stemming from financial background or plain ignorance comes with a host of advice that is showered upon us from all directions. While some of the advice is rooted in sincerity, sometimes it doesn’t quite fix the situation of the individual listening to it. Sometimes those golden showers of advice just stink up the place like, well…like a golden shower.

Is that asparagus I smell?

 

Why did the chicken cross the road

Moving back in with parents after getting slapped in the face by the financial world is one of the more popular pieces of advice.

This of course is the logical choice for those who have it. Moving in with parents can definitely help you save money and give you time to get on your feet when done correctly.

However; I find that the logical choice often negates the mental and emotional one. As a society we value logic over all other personality functions and this leaves out a big chuck of what an individual may actually need. Could it be that the answer to “Why did the chicken cross the road” isn’t as simple as “because it needed to move back in with it’s parents to save $$.”

Is it possible that moving into an environment that no longer stimulates you is more harmful than not?

 

Money is the least of your issues

I’ve stated before that my relationship with money is toxic in nature. It doesn’t want me the way I want it and yet I still dress up nice, put on perfume, and try to be obnoxiously nice in my pursuit of it.

Usually I just find myself outside the window looking in.

So when I got a little money I was afraid to spend virtually any of it outside of food and buying my car once I returned home. In my mind it was better to save money staying in my parents house than to dip into my beloved, scared savings. No matter how long my unemployment spell lasted.

It wouldn’t be that long of a wait anyway with a degree and being a Soldier recently back from deployment; there was a wonderful job waiting around the corner, ready to pay me the big bucks right…RIGHT?!

Wrong

I had made a logical choice knowing damn well I’m an emotional person. Living in a rent free household, waking up to Saturday breakfast and being around people who truly loved me was a blessing. Wasn’t?…Yes, it was.

Until it wasn’t. Or was but no longer felt like it.

Having to deal with my own complex emotions on top of those of family members; having to deal with my own financial anxiety and troubles along with the ones of those I loved.

Having no quiet environment I could escape to

(as an introvert, can you imagine)

no privacy

(Dad can you knock HELLOOO)

Being dubbed the babysitter and transportation provider only added to the stress level I had no idea how to handle. What is the price for a peace of mind and having your own space in a world that crowds your every thought with uncertainties.

What is the price of your own mental wellness and sanity?

Just something to think about.

 

This can’t be life

I started having fits of incredible insomnia.

I was going through a quarter-life crisis like mentioned in an earlier post The Ghost of Crisis Past but also dealing with issues, deaths, and arguments within my family. I had become known as the confidant, the protector, and escape hatch from years earlier to my family. But this was different.

Back at those points I had space, and distance that helped me replenish myself and then pour good things back into my family. This was not possible while living home so I became resentful and withdrawn. I thought, this couldn’t be life and it didn’t have to be…I had just convinced myself that the logical financial choice trumped my mental/emotional wellbeing.

 

Do the Insane to Stay Sane

Slowly, I started changing the way I saw my options. That maybe it wasn’t enough for me to make logical choices like most other people because my logical choice landed me in an environment that drained me.

It made more sense for me to take into account my personality instead of removing it from the equation. The truth is mental health and emotional stability are discarded as if they’re not important when older individuals call themselves giving advice to younger adults. Being convinced of this advice was like trying to squeeze my size 9 problem into a size 5.

 

My feet needed more room so I moved the f*** out. (I have big feet) No roommate to split the bill or anything. I finally had enough quiet to listen to my loud ass thoughts without having to listen to others. Selfish?…maybe. And maybe selfish works. Space and peace were worth the money in rent because it all allowed me to figure out the next steps in my life. Which in turn led to more money.

 

Giving yourself physical space can lead you to creative, mental and emotional milestones. Don’t be afraid to say “F*** that advice, imma do what’s best for me.” I said it before and I’ll mention it again; sometimes financial stability happens once you stabilize other areas of your life.

Whether it’s living with your parents, roommate or weird Craig’s list roomie; make sure the mental/emotional truths don’t counter the financial gain. The same is true for all other supposed advice millennials receive for our host of issues; take that shit with a grain of salt because ultimately, you know what works best for you.   

Now when I get unwarranted advice I just escape to my lair, kick off my pants seconds inside the door…

and pretend the outside world can’t come in unless it knocks (You will learn TODAY Dad!)

 

#LetsBuild

 

I could’ve been mistaken for a divorcee soccer mom with a habit of drinking too much wine before 12 p.m. I felt as though I was completely lost in life, not knowing what purpose I was to serve, what talents I had and confused on why it was taking so long to get on my feet after years of hard work. I was barely 25 going through a mid-life crisis  quarter-life crisis.

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GIPHY:  Me. Any Monday morning two years ago

As millennials, we get called all kinds of bad names by the “grown-ups” like dramatic, lazy or self-centered but the reality is that a lot of the economic, mental, and financial stress we face has a negative impact on us getting a healthy start to adult life.

After pursuing higher education and working multiple jobs just to still break even, success whether financial or otherwise can feel like…it can feel like…Well. Like this…

 

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GIPHY: That oh shit wtf is going on moment

 

It can often feel as though if you don’t have everything figured out by the time you’re 18 then you’re behind the curve. But who the hell knows exactly what they want and how to get there at 18? (very few)

This inadvertent pressure put on us by societal expectations, competition mentality coupled with no real mentors leaves many young adults reeling from the lies they’ve been told.

“Go to school to get a good job and make good money,” THEY SAID

They didn’t tell us about the hurdles that exist in attempting to escape generational poverty/low-income households, obstacles millennials are facing in the job market due to the previous recession, or the other important things like how to network, team up or seek mentorship etc…

This leaves us feeling like failures and frustrated with ourselves in a world that doesn’t understand why we feel like we have it hard.

I use to stay in my room (I had moved back in with the parentals) drink wine, binge on Netflix and hiss at anyone who dared to knock on my door. I was a regular Scrooge in the middle of July.

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GIPHY: Me vs. EVERYONE

 

Safe to say that this was not healthy. Job hunts went from confident searches to desperate obsessions and it felt like a chore to even get out of bed most days.

For those of you who can relate, here are a few tips to getting back to being yourself so that you can ring in the new year with a better understanding of where you’ve been and how to move on from there. Kick this quarter-life crisis’ a**!

Tip #1

Put the drink (dank) or whatever down.

Some days it’s the only thing that felt like it alleviated the anxiety and depression but trust me you don’t want to become reliant on substances in dealing with difficult emotions. Find another outlet like taking a walk. Sunshine can make a world of difference as opposed to day-drinking in a dark room alone. Plus a bottle a day gets kinda pricey.

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Tip #2

Make a real plan.

When you’re lost it can feel like no plan makes sense but it’s dangerous to not have an idea of who you are and what you want. One of the things that helped me was making a list (and checking it twice hahaha).

I made a list of everything from my perceived strengths and weaknesses to what I wanted and needed out of life in order to consider myself successful. I went from not knowing what I wanted, to one day realizing that I could keep others from dealing with similar downfalls by starting a mentoring program.

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Tip #3

Don’t sell yourself short.

Don’t become so engrossed in getting a job or man or whatever that you aren’t paying attention to the quality and compatibility while in your search. Case and point? I was so shook by not having jobs lined up for me after returning home that I just started putting applications in for every job posting I saw.

The result?

I got into a job (s) that made my quarter-life crisis worst due to their incompatibility with what I wanted and was capable of providing.

Understand you’re still valuable regardless of where you are at this point in your life to avoid getting into situations that negatively affect you because you sold yourself short.

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Tip #4

It’s not just you.

I’m “a pull yourself up by the bootstraps” kinda girl or at least I was until I realized that I didn’t have any f****** boots to begin with!

When we’re down in the dumps it’s easy to be your toughest critic or downright self enemy but sometimes it’s because we had unrealistic expectations without understanding that the starting line was pushed back farther from our peers.

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In acknowledging your obstacles, you can empower yourself with knowledge and goals to overcome them. My situation was a 50/50 split. I had things I could have done differently and difficulties based on my circumstances that were never brought to my attention. It’s okay to fall but don’t let you or anything else keep you down.

Last thing.

It’s called quarter-life crisis for a reason. Apparently the feeling is not just exclusive to you or I but shared with some of our millennial kin. You will come out the other side with a new understanding of yourself and the world around you.

When I think back to the ghost of my quarter-life crises past, I do so with a respect for that moment in my life. It helped me to figure out where I went wrong and where society went wrong to have so many millennials experiencing this same thing. I needed to endure that time in my life in order to figure out myself, my life and my purpose.

So, get fresh air, scream in your pillow and know that you’ll be alright. #LETSBUILD

P.S. stop hissing at your loved ones. SORRY MOM!

 

 

PSST! check out this article on quarter life crisis