I started thinking about how jarring it is to discover that you’re disliked by someone.
These days people don’t come out and say
”I don’t like you.”
Well…that’s actually never been the case.
Think about the southern charm insults exchanged over tea or mouse-like whisperers spreading gossip through gloved hands. People don’t SAY they don’t like you; they show you.
When that happens a lot of us feel personally accountable for others people’s opinions about who we are or what we lack. Our feelings get hurt when we hear so & so aren’t feeling our natural vibe and many times we go on the defense. We try to explain why we’re ok with being disliked without ever really buying into our own words. There’s power in dislike and here’s why we should believe that being disliked is ok:
I’d rather be a B.I.T.C.H
The truth is sometimes we simply don’t want people to dislike us because we’re people pleasers that have a need to feel validated in our roles. That can begin to box you in; causing you to act as a Chamaeleon. You constantly change yourself to fit into to any role, void, position that other people need. This ensures that you’ll always be accepted, it also ensures you’ll never be your true self.
For me, if there’s a choice between fitting in or standing out. I’d rather be the bitch that doesn’t fit in because at least I’ll recognize myself. We killed the “good girl” long ago for that very reason.
Caught in a Moment
Being disliked by someone is sometimes reflective of a bad experience or moment they had with you. They caught you in a moment when you weren’t your best self.
When I reflect back on situations in which I wasn’t my best self I try to be kind. Understanding back story and internal struggle allows for me to do that. If someone was on the receiving end of that moment and decided then and there that I was not their cup of tea then I can’t fault them. I’m still guilty of steering clear of some people for that thing they said or action that rubbed me the wrong way.
That’s basic human nature in being cautious.
It is not my job to force a change of opinion but to understand their reason while remembering that I am so much more than that moment. They may never know that and that’s ok too.
I wasn’t placed here to be well liked by everyone.
Explore the “Why”
You do have a responsibility to reflect and improve on character flaws that get called out on the regular. While being disliked is a natural part of life, being okay with deep rooted character flaws that negatively impact others shouldn’t be. If there’s truth in someone’s disdain for you then explore how you can improve; not for them but for you to be best version of yourself. It’s not always then…sometimes it IS you. Sometimes you may be disliked for legitimate reasons.
Other times it could be based on those insecurities others struggle with in themselves. Maybe that person doesn’t like a trait in you because it reminds them of what they lack. Often this is the go to answer when we find out we aren’t someone’s cup of tea; it’s an actual thing that should be remembered once we feel the distance off another person.
One other reason why we are disliked is simply because we don’t fit into any role or need for that persons life. We all have that funny friend, the sweet friend, the flaky friend…based on our personalities we mesh with some people and we benefit in some way from their presence in our lives.
If you aren’t immediately beneficial then usually you’re not needed; to me dislike would be a strong word to use for it but I often discovered in my own life that people who dislike me usually don’t understand me. I don’t present myself as one clear-cut role player and therefore I’m not easily placed as useful in their lives. This quality intrigues many people and for others it keeps them at arms distance; unsure on whether to dislike me so they just disregard me instead.
Let go of opinionated Extras
Adversity from those who dislike me has crafted my resilience while strengthening the trust I place on my decision making and personal opinions. Being disliked by a few is a part of my journey to becoming the trailblazer I need to be.
The fact of whether someone likes you as a person or not is really just a matter or their opinion. Usually that person or persons are not even essential players in your life; they’re extras. If those opinions don’t directly affect your money or relationships then just allow it to be what it is.
A while ago, many a night had past when I scraped over that wrong thing I said or the way my anxiety affected my behavior. In those moments I didn’t remember myself accurately; what was vivid in my mind however were the faces of the people who decided at some unfortunate moment that they didn’t like me. Maybe they decided I was lame or fake.
They’d made up in their minds that I was unimpressive and dull.
Many a night I stayed up wondering how I could be disliked simply by being my honest self even in my not-so-great moments…until one night I just accepted that I’m not for everyone and everyone is not for me and went TF to sleep. Because you don’t like me and I’m ok with that.
Hey Builders! How do you handle being disliked? I’d love to talk with you! Leave a comment, like & share!