Remember that feeling you use to get in middle school. Constant anxiety of dressing the part, saying the right things, liking the right people. Fitting in and never drawing negative attention that would make you stand out?
Remember when it didn’t work. Because the game was rigged and just by being you and living your life you were judged. Your shoes weren’t good enough because your family couldn’t afford it or your skin too dark because well colorism is persistent. Your features ridiculed. Your feelings dismissed.
It’s a shame.
Remember promising to never make others feel that low? Now can you recall breaking that promise?…
We all do it…because the world is like a big middle school.
Maybe we do it as a twisted confidence boost. Maybe we do it to conceal our own flaws; whatever the case, shaming others who are different from us has become so engrained in our lives that even the most WOKE amongst us participates.
Body shaming.
Financial shaming.
Colorism.
Personality shaming.
Sexism.
We shame “fat” people. Skinny people. We shame poor people and sometimes rich people. We shame people based on the hue of their skin. We shame women for EVERYFUCKINTHING. We shame people for just embracing themselves and having personalities.
I mean seriously, is there anything safe from shame?
I guess the answer to that would be conformity. It’s safe but it’s boring. Even those attempting to conform find that shame is usually dished out to those who have no control over their circumstances.
Dang, you gained weight. You’re so pretty for a dark skinned girl. It makes no sense to me why people choose to work a 9 to 5. You really need to eat more, you’re skin n bones. Women are so overly emotional. You wouldn’t catch me working at McDonalds. She’s pregnant again?! Oh girl you’re too sensitive…it’s just a joke.
We say these things to others. To ourselves and we write them off as passive comments. Saying “it’s a joke” when really it’s just a shame.
In my life, I’ve allowed other people’s shaming of me cause me to feel ashamed; from financial family background, to body type and facial features. The shame crept in.
It poisoned my confidence and social interactions. Slowly and fiercely I’ve been taking back that control and shining a light on SHAME.
Let’s think about the ways we shame others in our lives and actively try to be better.
This will be a series of topics broken down into individual posts that discuss specific shaming: body shaming, colorism, financial shaming, sexism…Share your story with LBF below.
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