What I’ve discovered in my 28 years of life is that being head bitch doesn’t necessarily go to the female that’s the loudest or most charismatic. I should know. I’m a socially awkward introvert who has a knack for being assertive and creative. Being an alpha is not a skill you can imitate from being seen or being aggressive. It’s a natural part of who you are, but it comes with a price.

Today I wanna get uncomfortable and talk about how women have a BIG problem being led by other women.

Look I’m not one to perpetuate the views of cattiness or pettiness that the media places on women especially us melanin filled ones but it serves us nothing if we can’t admit that sexism isn’t only from men in the workplace or entrepreneurial world.

Leading women as a woman is a task not meant for the soft of heart.

Raise your hand if you consider yourself an alpha female; through your assertiveness and “get shit done” attitude, no matter where you go you’re always placed in positions of leadership. Often you even carve out your own unique place of leadership. You enjoy watching a project grow from a seed into fruition by your hands. You love learning and working with people because you always want to grow, adapt and reinvent yourself. You wash, rinse, and repeat your tried and true boss skills wherever you are because it’s that much a part of you.


Raise your hand if you’ve had women who should be rooting for you, valuing your insight, being your ally, and accepting your direction make you feel inadequate.



This is a first-hand experience I’ve had myself. There are so many women who’d rather take direction from a mediocre man than a strong woman. I want to explore why that is. 


being an alpha who walks boldly on the landmine egos of men.


Mediocre Conformity

First things first,

If there are mediocre men then there are mediocre women.

I’m all for women empowerment and uplifting our gorgeous diversity but let’s be clear; we’ve all worked with a woman who played in the shadows, laughed at the bosses lame jokes to stroke his ego and played into stereotypes of the “delicate female nature” to get out of responsibilities. Then an alpha woman comes along and shakes things up.

She’s much less interested in being a part of the boys’ club than being a part of a true functioning team. She makes others around her either step their game up or remain mediocre. She’s a troublemaker by default. Shaking up an environment that is a comfort zone for many of her co-workers.

I’ve had many criticize my leadership simply because they weren’t used to a female being in charge of directing them. In honesty, it was also during a period of me learning the very thing I was helping to lead. I questioned whether I was fair; if I were empathetic, understanding. I questioned whether I was good enough. I questioned my brilliance and hard work all because others couldn’t handle leadership from someone with two breasts.

What allowed me to snap back to my sense was when I realized many of the ones talking weren’t doing. There’s a level of risk and reward that comes with taking initiative and I’m always stepping up. But then there are those who play in the shadows, do the bare minimum and complain. That’s a reality I’ve come to terms with.


The days of the Boys’ Club

With every job it always amazes me how so many of us are ready to step into the roles that men have laid out for us without question. Sometimes it’s unavoidable to do the job you were hired to do. Yet, there’s the underlining tone that men are the natural leaders. I don’t buy it. That mentality keeps women on the outside fogging up the windows of the boys’ club hoping one likes us enough to open the door.


Meanwhile, I say fuck the boys and their raggedy club. Let’s make our own. When you come into work with cramps from hell and are still expected to be thrice as good, the only one who can truly understand you is a woman. When the office bully interprets you non stop during your last meeting the only one who can relate will be a woman because she’s likely had the same experience.

Banding together doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything and it doesn’t even mean you have to like each other. There should be mutual respect for being two women navigating a man’s world. Other women should be your safe space but often the exact opposite is true.

Currently, I work with other alphas females. They are my safe space. There are certain things that only require a look for them to understand. Like being an alpha who walks boldly on the landmine egos of men. There’s comfort in our solidarity.


When two Alphas meet

Being an alpha female doesn’t always mean you’re always going to be in charge.

There’s a study that shows within any group there can only be one alpha…are you secure enough in yourself to relinquish control. I do it all the time. I assess if my assertiveness will be effective in accomplishing a task, I assess the maturity of the group I’m working within and I decide for myself whether stepping up or stepping aside is the best move. That’s boss shit. I have only recently met women who act as mentors in leading other women. I’ve watched the same situations play out in their alpha moments.

Resistance from women and no support from men. The truth is tough to handle that there can only be one alpha at a time so many of us get caught up in the ‘crabs in a barrel mentality;” afraid that our spot will be taken. It’s not true. There’s room for us all to be leaders we just can’t do it all at the same time. You lead me, I lead you. I lead in one way, you lead in another. That’s how this works.


How can we say we want equality when the women who make it to these positions of power don’t even have the support of the community they belong to? We’d be naive to think that men don’t see the discourse and capitalize on it. When’s the last time you’ve seen one of your male co-workers call out, talk negative about, or correct his male co-workers…I’ll wait.


The pressure to be perfect

In the world of working Alpha women, the pressure to be perfect is always prevalent. If the saying in the black community goes “you have to be twice as good to get half as far,” then imagine what that means for a black woman. Thrice as good!

When in a leadership position I find that there’s little to no room for anything less than perfection often deriving from other women. A mistake is seen as more a character flaw than a human trait. We place high expectations on the women who lead us because we usually have those for ourselves or we’re afraid that the bar has already been raised by her in a way we don’t care for living up to.

Therefore any mistake made is a sigh of relief. This is not ok. We should root for each other. Correct one another with GOOD intentions and protect in a way that sends a signal to others that though we are different, we’re still the same. Don’t mess with my sister. I’ve done this. Had the back of women who weren’t exactly helping the cause but also not deserving of the office bullying from men and women. When you understand that she in many ways IS you. Things change. If those around so openly and freely can bash this woman, what does that mean for you; the alpha who doubles a well-meaning trouble maker?


Lone Wolf with a Pact

Though I consider myself an alpha I don’t have naturally extroverted qualities many of you do. I also have no interest in the power struggles of spotlight and grandeur. Mostly I assert my point, then execute with or without the help of the pack.

The harmony created when strong women take turns leading each other is indescribable. It’s pure, it’s a vibe.


But it takes being on the same page to band together; it takes having the same mindset that you’re sisters in the workplace because believe me; men have their club and we are not allowed. My mental pact is that I will mentor, protect, support and correct women in any workplace or environment I enter. I will be the troublemaker if it means paving a way for the woman coming behind me. 

Only compete with the last best version of yourself. That will ALWAYS be your lane. Incorporate all the new skills you’ve learned through working with others.

Your biggest adversary should be you, not another woman.


Hey Beautiful Women Builders! What have experiences been like working with other women? Are your an Alpha woman? Let’s Talk below! Like, Share and follow the Instagram @Lets_Build_Futures




“This is for all the women who work with men that have egos bigger than their actions” -LETS BUILD

Mental Mantra

You clock in everyday ready to work. You’ve passed the stage where you want to prove yourself. Instead, you give yourself little speeches and pep talks to get you through an environment that is reluctant to make room for you. “You got this shit girl.” “You are so awesome, look what you created.” ‘Don’t let them see your weakness.” and my personal favorite “Calm down, don’t curse his ass out and lower your crown.”

In the mirror like…


The mental mantra we have to say each day just to make it through is insane and totally badass. While juggling the duties of your job you simultaneously juggle all the emotions that come with sexism in the workplace. You check anger and only assert yourself when necessary to get the job done. But you’re no wallflower and definitely nobody’s pushover so some days you go home a little defeated, exhausted and unappreciated.

This is for you girl, whether you are a working mom/wife or single woman navigated the treacherous rounds of “the boys club” everyday. Or ALL THE ABOVE! NEVER feel alone. Know there’s some woman across the world showing up for work prepared to defend her brilliant ideas, prepared to make her face stone when interrupted; Prepared to work 10 times as hard as her male counterparts for less. Here’s the truth, as a vibrant and black alpha female, I’ve experienced more sexism in my life than racism. Or at least the sexism is more overtly identified. And it rears its true colors like no other in the workforce. So, this is for all the women who work with men that have egos bigger than their actions.


Unconstructive Criticism

Here he goes again. You just pitched or implemented another idea that you know is great. It improves areas addressed and even some unaddressed but he can’t take you having the spotlight; in fact, he’s the guy that never offers any suggestions or puts things into action but criticises every chance he gets. Now you have to decide whether to call him out on it or deflect for the sake of your sanity and the room. You know tit for tat never gets you anywhere. On good days it rolls off your back like water but on the not-so-hot days your right eyebrow goes up and before you know it your mouth has fired back defending your honor.

what up

You don’t mind criticism when it’s constructive but Mondays filled with the unconstructive types are a bit much to ask of anyone. You hesitate to ask for help, because the condescending comments make your head ache and you question whether something is important enough to hamster wheel a conversation into motion. Yet, you voice your opinions, offer help and even improve things for the next woman to walk the halls of this boys club.


Working with Kanye’s Ego

Confidence goes a lonnnngg way and sometimes, that shit gets in the way. YOU, my darling, are knocked down a few pegs regardless of if you do right or wrong; being confident in yourself at work is a never-ending fight. Your male coworkers; however, have a separate issue. Many of them are praised regardless of their right or wrong and this feeds into not only their individual egos but the collective male egos that looms over your desk bragging about the latest whatever hoping to coax a compliant from you. YOU AIN’T GOT THE TIME. You don’t feed the egos that hover around you like aggressive ducks at a public park.



You don’t slap ass and say job well done. You only give credit when due and encouragement when needed; nothing more, nothing less. And you stand out from the BOYS club because of it.


65 Percent Annoyed

It isn’t just that we’re paid less because sometimes the pay scale is already set; the other issues are we get 65% of attention when we speak, 65% chance that credit and appreciation is given when due, 65% chance that someone will interrupt your valid point; 65% respected, 65% understanding when you make a mistake like any normal human; 65% chance of being taught something you don’t know with a condescending undertone; 65% chance that there’s an expectation put on you as a woman that’s not forced on your male coworkers like desk/computer work; 65% chance that even those who you considered male friends aren’t your allies in the workplace (If your allies aren’t willing to get tagged in the ring on your behalf then you should deeply consider if it’s worth doing it on theirs.) 65% chance that you have to deal with all this even outside of work, 65% chance that you will be dismissed when you bring up an issue; and a 100% possibility that your male counterparts will be the culprits that engage in, perpetuate, and don’t have to deal with all of these realities.

“The sexiest part of sexism is that it breeds warriors from the adversity. Bad ass ones at that.”

Builders, Let’s Talk! What are some ways you combat sexism in the workplace? Comment and Share below.

You can also follow LETS BUILD on Instagram @lets_build_futures

If you’ve been reading Let’s Build for a while you know that changing jobs is as common as changing panties for me; but that doesn’t always mean it’s easy. Yet, having the right job for the reality of your life is an important tool for building a better life for yourself. In fact, I want to discuss how you can gracefully leave a job you LOVE to go to the job you NEED.

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Why Leave

I know, I know for the millennial generation working a job you love is up there with our other major needs in the workplace like opportunities to lead, working with an impact/goal and paid time off. Goodness forbid we do what our parents did and work a job that sucks just for a steady paycheck and benefits. But let’s be honest, with more of us tackling student loan debt and coming into an age where taking care of baby boomer parents is common due to their lack of saving for retirement, you may find that the job you love is not meeting all of your needs. An article from Bustle explains this situation perfectly in Our Parents Are Broke & So Are We. Now What?.

Regardless of the reasons, our needs change. Something happens and a few extra hundred a month could be the difference between just making it and being able to set up for a better financial future or freeing extra time for family or a higher job title. With a generation so in tune with our wants we often place our immediate needs on the back burner until we start to smell smoke. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that making the most of unexpected opportunities is one of those millennial mistakes lessons that we learned a few years ago.


Blazers to Boots

Currently, I work in a slow pace environment with three other people who I’ve managed to form bonds with outside of the awkward workplace tango many of us do when in “work mode.” While working here I’ve managed to tap into my creative side and launch my blog as a result of having the time and resources to focus on the Let’s Build brand. I work with a purpose to uplift an entire community, with vacations, holidays, sick leave, health benefits, and decent pay. I truly love my job. This will all change in two weeks as I trade in my blazers and afro-centric work attire for a uniform and heavy boots. I will trade in quiet interactions for loud voices and a mentally stimulating environment for a physically demanding one.


I will also be trading in set salary pay for an income increase. I will be trading in a sometimes hectic work life for a more simplistic one because instead of juggling two jobs I’ll be down to one. When I run down the mental list of pros and cons of leaving to embark on a new chapter, the choice is really a no-brainer. My priorities have changed and I now need to adjust my reality to achieve the things that will place me where I want to be in life. So, even though I love my current job I have to take the job I need instead. But just how do you do that?


Be Honest

Telling your boss that you’re leaving because you need a job that aligns better with your financial/personal/professional reality can play out in many different ways. You should prepare yourself for the many possibilities.

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A. They could offer to rise to the occasion to meet those needs to keep you as a part of the team. (This may not be an option within their power to do in many cases.)

B. They could be understanding and wish you the best in your pursuits because, ya know, it’s hard outchea and you have to get it how you live.

C. They could even be resentful regardless of ample notice and an exemplary track record while working there because they know that they are losing an asset and will have to go through the process of replacing you.

D. All of the Above

The best way to break the news is to share only what is necessary in an honest way. You don’t have to go on a rant of how the opportunity will be far better than the job you’re in now but don’t shy away from saying that it’s simply the best choice for your life at the moment.


Don’t Apologize

As a society we have a tendency to over apologize whether we actually mean it or not, “oh, I’m sorry I got the last double chocolate muffin.” “Oh, I’m sorry I got the closer parking spot.” “Oh, I’m sorry I need to take advantage of a job opportunity that could get me out of debt sooner?…” STOP APOLOGIZING FOR DOING WHAT’S BEST IN YOUR LIFE!


(unless of course you’re truly harming someone, in that case just be a better person immediately.) But when leaving a good job for a great job or a job you love for the job you need; you should not feel compelled to excessively apologize. If it’s short notice, then yes apologize for that aspect but don’t over-explain why it’s the best choice, don’t inflate the issues it will correct in your life and for the love of all that is millennial DON’T APOLOGIZE for seizing your moment.


Ohana Means Family

Having bonds with co-workers can make it that much more difficult to lay on the news that you’re leaving but staying in a job for others is never the right choice. Just as you wouldn’t pass up a great opportunity when it comes to your blood family; you also shouldn’t do it for your work family.

When I first realized I was really leaving I focused heavily on how my boss and co-workers would be effected professionally and personally in their relation to my position and presence in the workplace. I’m not going to say that how they feel should be none of your concern but it shouldn’t be all of your concern either. If the bonds you built with your work family are strong then you will ensure that they will continue even after you’re gone if possible but if say, you’re moving across country, then you still shouldn’t feel that losing a work family diminishes what you built with them in the workplace. Appreciate what you had and hopefully they’ll do the same.


When Short Notice is Imminent

It is important to provide your workplace with enough time to adjust and take the needed measures in response to your exit. In some cases you may not exactly have control over getting little to no real notice of another job opportunity available to you. This makes exiting your beloved workplace stressful. When you keep your mind on the “why” behind your decision to leave it will help to alleviate much of the anxiety you feel over a hasty exit. The greater good may not be in the greatest good for your current workplace but doing your part to translate the why, when and how you’ve come to your decision to leave should allow your workplace to adjust from there. Do what you can with what you have and don’t try to control how others react to the news.


Builders, have you ever left something you wanted for something you needed (jobs, locations, relationships?) Comment below and Let’s Talk about it!



Do you find yourself bent over your desk, struggling to keep your eyes open the Monday morning after a few days off from work? If you’re like me then I’m guessing your jobs have jobs. Days off feel like they’re strategically placed just so you have enough time to wash that pile of dirty, mildew-y clothes in the corner of your closet and prepare for the next days of work.

So getting an extended break from the job is like finding water in a desert.

But if you’re not careful you could end up feeling more tired and anxious the Monday morning after your hiatus, as if you spent the whole break paying homage to your college days by throwing back Jell-O shots until 4:00 a.m. Yet, the truth is far more geriatric than that because often we just scan our foggy brains trying to figure out why we’re so exhausted on the Monday morning after several days off.

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(True Story!)

Here are some ways you can maximize your God given time off and return to work replenished and rejuvenated as intended.

Sleep In

There are tons of articles that advise against sleeping in because it could mess up your sleep pattern for when you actually do return to work.


At least stay in bed an extra hour or two to lounge around with Hulu or a good book. Your natural alarm clock may wake you like a regularly scheduled program as soon as 7:00 a.m. rolls around; but don’t let that keep you from resting in bed for a while.

(For those without kids who have that option of course!)

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Because personally, once I’m up and out of bed it seems like time flies into a flurry of me doing shit that could’ve waited. Next thing I know I’ve spent a whole day NOT resting and can’t even remember what I did.

If you don’t train your mind and body to relax, be still and pace itself then you’re going to Energizer Bunny your way through all of your time off only to find yourself yawning in your boss’ face come Monday morning.

Ditch the Plan

Whether it’s going out of town to visit the boyfriend, spending time with family or trying to optimize alone time, I’ve found that over-planning the time off only leads to me feeling rushed. Days off are hard to come by and sometimes few and far-in-between but the truth is if you become anxious in keeping on schedule, off the clock, you will find yourself “working” to stick to a schedule on days that are supposed to give you rest.

It’s okay to want to optimize time off with doing some of the things you never get to partake in because of work. Going to a movie, comedy club, camping…you just can’t do it ALL.  Narrow your activities to the top two things you really want to do. Ditching a traditional or mental schedule can relieve stress and free up space for other fun activities like sleep! Free ball your weekend, vacay or holiday time off, you won’t be sorry.

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You Time

Whenever blessed with a few consecutive days off I often feel obligated to split my time into equal parts Responsibilities(doctor’s appointments, blogging, laundry), Family(babysitting, or a day with “Auntie” for my nieces/nephews) and Lazy Song Days(Netflix-ing and chilling until I eat every snack I own). What usually happens are the first two categories with little to no time left over for the actual “ME TIME” I was fantasying about all week.

YES…ditch the plan but if you MUST plan…include some “you time.” There’s nothing worse than sitting at your desk, with a hot cup of coffee you’re too sleepy to enjoy on Monday morning, wondering what the hell happen to all your days off.

So as you read this from your phone or computer screen at work after taking another five-hour energy shot just to make it through the day, remember that days off should leave you feeling replenished and ready for a week of Mondays. It shouldn’t feel like a week of Mondays fell on top of you once that morning alarm clock sounds.

Go From this…

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to this!

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Your turn Builders, how do you spend your precious days off so that you go back to work well rested? Comment below and Let’s Talk!