Closed Doors Don’t Get Fed: a talk of closure and the one that got away pt. 1
Lack of closure feels like you’re standing at a door waiting for the other person to open it. This leds us to think that real closure is a myth; I’ve come to believe that’s not entirely true.
Real closure is a little messy…it’s not always going to feel complete.
Closure isn’t always a conversation sometimes it’s an action.
Closure can be sudden or gradual
and it actually doesn’t require two people…
Closure is personal.
I’ve learned this over the past year. “He” gave me closure but my heart couldn’t recognize it. In short, I didn’t accept it as closure because it wasn’t what I wanted to hear or thought him capable of doing.
His closure was painful for me but necessary to him
There is no “myth” of closure, sometimes we get it; it just takes a while to process. In my case it has taken exactly a year for me to understand that no matter how unreasonable the words felt, they’re his truths. I spent the last year starving for closure in the way I understood it; an hours long conversation followed by a declaration of love and regret.
I mean isn’t that how it was supposed to go?
That’s what I was so used to; men returning into my life with the realization that they made a mistake losing me. But this time I eventually had to stand face-to-face with the possibility that maybe he didn’t feel he made a mistake. The shear thought of this mentally equated to a glass figurine being knocked off a high shelf. The question followed; could I really be special if someone chose to walk away? After months of preaching to others of not putting me on a pedestal I finally saw that I had done so to myself. Once I tumbled, I could replay the painful last scenes of my haunting relationship; remembering the words that sounded like a foreign language…
“I think I made the right choice.”
Who was I if I wasn’t “the one that got away?” My whole broken romantic identity was wrapped and twisted around this idea of being something so precious it’s easily mishandled and so rare it’s instantly missed. Was I still special and worthy? I suspect the answer is a hard yes but I’m currently doing the work to remind myself daily.
Closure is not always a collective thing.
Often it is the peace and strength a person finds in closing a life chapter. This personal journey has little to do with the other person and though they deserve an explanation they may not always understand…I didn’t. Still, closure happened.
His closure was painful for me but necessary to him; as I let go of that pain I’m finding my closure is a gradual process. Uncovering more of myself moves me further away from the idea of who I was on that shelf. I move closer to ending a season of my life where romantic love influenced my self worth and toward the understanding that closure isn’t always going to feel complete.
Who was I if I wasn’t “the one that got away?”
You can stand at the door waiting for someone to open it and give you the conversation you feel you need or you can be strong enough to realize that there’s no one there on the other side. Give closure to yourself and find the peace you need to move on.
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