Love Letter to Self

You had nights when you just wanted to hear how important you were without having to ask. Days where getting a text about how much you were loved and missed would’ve changed your whole mood. You desire someone who’s willing to take charge of loving you and not leave the bulk of the work to you. You’ve never heard “I’m coming to see you” “my world isn’t right whenever I have to go to long without your touch.” You wanted to be kissed like you were when you were 15; where you found air in his breath and still stood up dizzy. You wanted to be made love to as if it were a sacred act. Candles, music, attention to the tiny details of your body culminating until you reached a place of pure bliss. You wanted forehead kisses and existential talks. You wanted to teach and learn; to be thought of as perfect but in their ambitions pushed to be better. You wanted encouragement, born from a true understanding of your circumstances and confidence in your abilities. You wanted to hear “we’ll get through this together” when your dad passed away. You wanted comfort in a way only the love of your life could give. You wanted to be hyped up. To be told you’re gorgeous in person; for it to be a truth and not a habit. You wanted stability and security in knowing that the one you love would be doing the work internally and externally to become the best version of themselves. You wanted spontaneous romances and impromptu adventures in the small things like going for a walk in the park or ice cream on a sunny day. Music blasting with windows down drives. A connection of the spirit. You didn’t want to be dominant all the time. To be the decider, planner, to be the adult. You wanted an equal, a partner, a friend, a lover, a reason to believe that no matter how bad it all got, you’d have a safe place in his arms. You didn’t want to have to ask to be rescued; to honestly compromise your strength to be vulnerable enough to make them understand how you felt. You wanted someone who would inquire about your internal. You should’ve had help building you up, love when done right is growth. It helps things prosper because it nourishes the foundation of who you are. You weren’t nourished. You wanted to be watered and to water. Letting love flow and bob and weave between you seamlessly. There was no constant flow. You were drained and forgotten. You wanted to be understood, to be seen. To be accepted. To be learned every day. You were learned once, maybe.

Millennial Lesson: Heartbreak is not the end.