No, I Don’t Need a Damn Cheeseburger and Other Rude Comments

“Girl you need to eat!”

“Naw, Imma put some more on your plate.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that comment from family and friends and how many times they’ve been thoroughly cursed out in my mind while I forced myself to smile sweetly. Now that I’m older and have actually developed confidence that’s not dependent on others I can laugh at the ignorance in those earlier years of my life.

Ever hear of fast metabolism? or genetics?

Seeing the fixation with curves today leaves me wondering about how the skinny, dark-skinned girl in the back of the class is handling it all. I WRITE THIS ONE FOR YOU GIRL!

Growing up black is hard. Growing up a girl and black is harder; but there’s nothing to describe growing up skinny, black while female. Torture. Torture would probably come the closest. This topic is meant to be funny but it does shed light on a truth that many teenagers and young adults face daily.

Almost everything about our culture today supports the idea of a voluptuous woman, who’s 5’3, “light skinned” with loose curls. Emphasis on the voluptuous part.

Hell, I love looking at curves too in a non-homo, kinda, slightly homo way. But the truth is not every female is gonna be thicker than a PB&J with peanut butter on both sides of the bread. Some of us have the comparison of peanut butter you had to scrape the bottom of the jar for and there’s not enough to completely cover the bread.

There’s a hint of peanut butter when you bite into your sandwich enough that you can faintly taste it. The same is true for being petite. Enough of a curve that you know it’s there. So cut the skinny girl some slack. She knows she’s small and doesn’t need reminding every time you see her. Stop wishing she’ll gain weight when she has kids just because you did and NO! she doesn’t need a damn cheeseburger!

“That natural hair ain’t for everybody.”

This comment was probably made by some unmoisturized young man with a crooked hairline but even if it comes from someone decent it’s never okay. I love the natural hair appreciation movement that has swept black communities across the nation. What I don’t like is the division of praises among different hair textures and skin tones. That queen with the coarse fro and dark skin should be just as proud as the one with the loose coils.

Look, some people don’t like the natural wave. That’s totally cool but understand the power of your negative comments. One negative comment can take a young woman starting her natural journey from excitement to embarrassment. I’ve seen it.

Surprisingly, I see a lot of middle aged people singing similar tunes. “What’s going on with your head?” “That doesn’t look professional.”

Just because you love the way a good relaxer and press looks doesn’t give you the right to discourage the pride that a naptural woman has. Fix your hairline first and then your heart.

“Why your mama didn’t just get you the Iphone?”

My 13 year old niece was asked this by one of her friends.

First of all we’re broke, second of all mind your business. It’s easy to question why someone doesn’t have this or that as a teenager because you’re all about the now. Keeping up with the Kardashians (literally) is your life. But outside of that self-centeredness is real life in which some kids don’t get everything, or some of the things they ask for. They probably knew not to ask in the first place. So try a little empathy (or teach your kids) because you’re only one wrong drop away from a shattered screen and not having an Iphone X either.

“You’re kinda tall for a girl.”

Well damn. I thought girls came in an assortment of shapes, sizes and colors like Valentine’s candy. I didn’t realize that being 65′ or barely 5’6 would be considered too tall or masculine. Let me just shrink myself for you and while I’m at it let me help you find the balls you lost while feeling threatened by my height. Oh, there they are. My kitten thought they were raisins.

“Females should keep their hair, feet and nails on point. No excuse.”

This is low AND high key expensive. Depending on where you go, getting your hair and nails done every two weeks can run you a couple hundred. And even though I have a thousand bottles of polish, sometimes I don’t feel like painting my nails just to have it chip and fade two days later.

Sometimes I don’t feel like twisting my hair or shaving my legs. My eyebrows are currently caterpillars because I have to carve out time to go get them waxed and that is perfectly fine.

Meanwhile, the male who said this has on his favorite pair of Spongebob underwear that’s 10 years old with holes in it. The female who said it has a sugar daddy and bad credit. Stop letting Instagram tell you how to be a woman or a man people. 😂

Let’s just all try to accept the many differences among us because no one is perfect, not everyone is balling and preferences are relative.