Suspicions of Me
Do you trust yourself?
“No. I don’t….because of past choices I’ve made and I always need verification.”
Can you relate to this quote? I definitely can.
When it comes to making any important decision I collect advice from those I trust with the hope that it will aid in me avoiding the wrong decisions. I do this because I don’t trust myself. I am always suspicious of my reasoning behind actions, always questioning my motives and wondering whether I’ve made another bad decision based on poor self-esteem versus logic.
All the scars visible from my past are there to taunt me and say “YOU DID THIS!” and so it’s because of that hurt and those wounds that I find myself hesitate to make any major moves without the green light from those I actually do trust. Usually I just hoard this advice and end up going with my gut feeling any way. So why is it that I even seek it but rarely use it or in many cases, the advice just reaffirms my own thoughts? Why is it so hard to listen to me before anyone else?
“YOU DID THIS”
I’m riddled with scars.
Love scars, Battle scars, Why didn’t you love me and want me scars, Damn I’m too broke to do anything scars, Why can’t I be normal and not awkward scars….the list goes on.
And I blame myself for every scar, scratch, rash (Ok…I truly am to blame for that one). I ask myself, constantly, What could you have done to prevent that? Why didn’t you work harder…why didn’t you know more? The problem isn’t in the asking. The problem lies within discovering the answer and still somehow never forgiving myself as quickly as I would others in my life. I’ve written about forgiveness in The Infamous Reputation of Forgiveness but only when addressing others; not when addressing yourself. Have you forgiven yourself lately?
Make up with Yourself
Could you imagine messing up and instead of forgiving you or handling the situation with grace the person you disappointed asked you those questions over and over and over….never giving thought to forgiving you?
Sounds pretty awful right; so why do it to yourself? Life is a cocktail of mistakes and wins but if you fault yourself for making bad decisions based on blind love (been there), lack of knowledge (done that) then you’re probably in the same boat as me.
You have to get to the source of why you’ve made the decisions you have, understand how to prevent collateral (you getting hurt) in the future, forgive yourself and move on with a clean slate.
Sugar, Spice and a Pinch of Consequence
Me: “So. Do you trust yourself and why?”
“Yes. I trust that whatever decision I make is mine. I accept the consequences that come with my choices.”
The consequences of an important choice hover over us like a personal cloud ready to pour down the disappointment that we so often anticipate. It isn’t fair that we do that to ourselves; make decisions based of the possibility of hurt. We live our lives through a lens of fear that often paralyzes us because we’re too afraid to move at all. So we don’t move backward but we also don’t move forward.
We’re stuck in a quick sand thought that buries us deeper in the suspicions we have of ourselves. Somehow we forget the message that consequences can be bad AND good. We forget that with every choice or non-choice (making a choice to not make a choice) comes with a pair of consequences with both good and bad sprinkled in it. In acknowledging the consequences beforehand we can accept not only the choice but move closer to trusting the process of decision-making and ourselves.
Love Yourself like Those Guys at Wal-Mart Do
If you’re ever feeling down go into a random Wal-Mart and I promise you’ll hear at least two “Damn you fines!” and one “Aye, AYE ‘SCUSE ME MISS!”
No matter how you’re dressed. Point? If random people, family, strangers, the guy at Wal-Mart can see how amazing you are; then why can’t you.
P.S. I’m only kidding about going into a random store and expecting compliments.
However, it is my belief that lack of trust not only comes from past wounds but low self-esteem as well. When we don’t trust ourselves we’re inadvertently exposed to all the negative realities about who we are. We highlight our flaws in an attempt to deter any further damage they might cause. But do we so proactively highlight what we love about ourselves?
There seems to be an interchangeable link between confidence and trust. Many times we can agree that both are built with time. Both require a good history for someone or something to be considered trustworthy or confident. Take a look at your level of confidence then take a look at the level of trust you have in yourself. If one is low or poor then chances are the other is suffering as well. By forgiving yourself for past transgressions, highlighting your amazing qualities and understanding the process of decision-making; you could begin to rebuild that broken trust.
Be Good to yourself. Forgive yourself. Trust yourself.
It takes work and understanding to get to a place of trusting in any form; just make sure that you’re giving yourself both of those things in the process.
Do you find it difficult to trust yourself? Do you think lack of trust in oneself is linked to poor confidence/self-esteem? Comment below or Share! #LETSTALK #LETSBUILD
Check out this article!
Also I watched this Super Soul Sunday episode and discovered so much about myself! Have a listen.
Thank you for this post! I especially appreciate the practical strategies provided on how to trust yourself. You’re right self-trust and self-love go hand in hand.
I used to find it difficult to trust myself also. I’d constantly second guess myself, desperately ask my friends their opinions on boyfriends, travel plans, career, etc. Then, I realized that they were as clueless as I was. And the one girl who seemingly has it together is covering up so much pain and has so much other madness going on that I was best off relying on my gut. I make mistakes, of course, but I just tell myself that it was “my mistake,” and at least I listened to my gut. Sounds weird, but it kinda boosts my confidence a little. I talk about this same topic on my blog a lot. Three Secrets To Keep is the name of one of those blog posts.
Love the post’s title by the way! And appreciate vulnerability in your posts. Are you on Twitter?
I love that! I think the older you get and the more life you experience this lesson comes around eventually; for me it was like an obstacle course of various emotions and experiences that shed light on the fact that I didn’t trust myself and then I had to figure out why which brought up the fact that I hadn’t forgiven myself for a boat load of things. I love sharing things like this so that others can see themselves reflected through me and in my words so that they can discuss, heal and hopefully learn a little something. Thank you for always being a welcomed voice on this blog with sharing your stories. I’m leaving this comment section now to go read the post of yours that your mentioned!
I am on Twitter with the handle lets_build_futures