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Around the world many people are gearing up for the pending new year. They have their sparkling outfits hanging up in the closest, made plans to kiss when the ball drops and feel a sense of either security or excitement for what their future holds. I was that person last year, and the year before and all the New Years before up until the ones I was too young to remember.

This year I have a sparkly outfit prepared, and I know exactly who I will kiss when the clock strikes 12 but instead of excitement for the New Year, it’s a crushing anxiety that I’ve been feeling. New Years are supposed to be about fresh starts, opportunities and possibilities; Oddly enough it’s those very possibilities that scare me. The next opportunity to be hurt, disappointed. To be sued or disrespected at work. The next opportunity to fail. The rational me knows that the concept of time is relative; New Year’s exist only because we say they do. We count our lives by seasons and hope that when our world stops spinning that time won’t erase us.

I know the idea of a fresh start in the New Year is societal but the sheer collective energy centered on that idea makes it real. And for me it makes it scary. If you take the time to flip through the Let’s Build catalog you’ll see multiple lessons learned last year from the very worse possibilities a year can provide. And quite poetically that year started not long after the New Year’s champagne left my lips in February and progressed until it very nearly defeated me in September. What is there to do when you’re blessed to see another year but not particularly looking forward to it? What makes you look forward to a New Year after a painful one? I went on a hunt to find the answer and in the process worked through my own complicated feelings about 2018-2019.

 

 

Fresh Start

All of society is hitting the reset button so while you could start over at any time during the year; it should be noted that there is a real relationship between your desire to wipe the slate and many things working in your favor to do so. At the top of the list for most people I asked was the fresh start that they felt they’d be given. A fresh start isn’t the same thing as a clean slate but rather a beginning of a new chapter while taking the knowledge of all the old chapters along with you.

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For a newly single mother the idea of a fresh start in a New Year could mean entering 12 more months with the realization that she is doing it on her own and the freedom to do it her way. For someone struggling with health it is a fresh start at new methods, and doctors; the possibility for solid answers. It’s the hope that whispers “this year is the year I feel like myself again.”

My fresh start are new ways to improve at work and cope with stress; it’s trusting in the beauty of life again and not just the pain. The idea that it is possible that I could make 2019 one of the best and trans-formative years of my life. It’s the hope for more laughs than tears and more love-making than arguments. 2019 is the chance to love myself completely while discovering the depths this world has to offer. If I focus on all the dark thoughts then I leave little room for the light in my life. So I choose to hold the old year up to light and examine it; extract what I can and let the rest fall away like ash. Allowing the New Year to resurrect my hope and faith of something more like a phoenix.

 

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Hope and Faith

At the end of it all a New Year is about hope and faith, because you don’t know what lies before you. One wise woman said, “I look forward to a New Year because I get to try again; I get to keep trying. The fact that I’ve been blessed to see another year means I have a mission/purpose I need to fulfill and I have a greater responsibility to get things accomplished because of that.” Regardless of if you’re ready or not you’ll be plunged deep into 365 brand new days. Realistic enough to know they won’t all be sunny but praying that there won’t be too much rain because you have shit you want to do that doesn’t include dark clouds.

 

The New Boo

Entering a New Year after a rough one is much like starting a new relationship after a horrible ex; you can’t enter with chipped shoulders and expectations of a painful ending. You have to allow the New Year to show you who it is while putting in real work of your own to make the relationship work each day. So 2018 hurt you…2019 is a totally different span of time that requires you to give it the love, attention and respect you have always given each New Year. Don’t drag your baggage across your fresh start like leaky trash on white tile. Double bag your shit and move forward because life is going to move regardless. Move with it and build back the trust you had for wonderful possibilities and exciting New years. Happy New Year!

 

What are you look forward to the Most this New Year Builders? Comment Below and Let’s Talk!

 

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Yes, I know that I missed last week after a flawless streak of posting at 10:00 a.m. every  Saturday morning for months. I have a good excuse, okay?! I had writer’s block or maybe I should call it writer’s dilemma because it wasn’t that I didn’t have any ideas to write but I had so many great ideas that I wasn’t sure which one to flesh out. The words just didn’t seem to be coming to me in the right order (is there already a term for this?) Writer’s bubble? Writer’s Babble, maybe?…

I did what I usually do when this happens; I continued on with my week convinced that the right subject would fall from the heavens and knock me on the head with continuously flowing words and I would once again go into my rain-man like trance writing a stellar post.

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Forcing yourself to write doesn’t always churn out the best material. So, I’m glad to say that it worked, as it usually does. I was having an intense conversation with my significant person about the invisible pull we feel on our lives that drags us toward the calling/purpose meant for us; the only problem is that chasing that Pull often translates into changing jobs often, confusion and frustration. It sometimes includes being jobless, penniless, and clueless.

I wrote about changing jobs in the pursuit of more viable opportunities in my last post but I’d like to contradict myself a little if I may. What do you do when you feel uneasy in every job you’ve had because it isn’t aligned with your purpose. What do you do when the invisible Pull on your life drags you towards something unseen and not clearly defined and is so strong you can’t even settle? In a world where so many of our peers are chasing a check, how do you instead chase the pull? I want to attempt to answer this.

 

What is “Chasing the Pull?”

Have you ever gone to a job where the pay is good, the relationship with the co-workers are good, benefits and time off are plentiful, you even have a boss who adores you but as you drift off into your mid-afternoon daydream, all you feel is this incredible sense that you’re not supposed to be there? Questions like “Why am I here?” “Can I really do this for the next 20 years? and “I love this job but it’s not really me?” ring in your ear. No matter how much coffee you drink, or how much personal news you share you just know that there’s something better out there for you. Something that’s just your size and fit. That feeling is the pull. Your purpose is pulling you toward it but the catch is that it’s up to you whether you actually chase after it or not.

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Chasing The Pull is NOT like chasing a dream, it’s different. The Pull is intangible, invisible and sometimes incredibly frustrating. Imagine an invisible rope being lassoed around you, at moments in your life that rope is slack and you’re able to maneuver around and enjoy your day-to-day. In seasons of transition, the rope is taut, it pulls you out of your complacency and makes you uncomfortable. It tugs on you to leave where you were to follow something you can’t even see and have only begun to understand. That’s the pull. Some people are born knowing their purpose so there is no real pull. Others are in-tune to the pull but have yet to fully understand the purpose. Then there are others who ignore it and stay in a job/place that was never truly meant for them long enough until they no longer feel the pull.

Which one are you?

 

Method Madness

Chasing the Pull doesn’t always look the same across the board. There are many methods to its madness.

Chasing my Pull looks a lot like me job hopping but really it is me picking up skills that will be used later as a great foundation in the next job and ultimately THE JOB. I discovered a while ago that I needed to trust this method and all it’s madness as each new job or opportunity has utilized something from the previous one. Each time I transition after following the Pull, into a new field or career, I begin to get a clearer image of what my purpose is. The out-of-focus purpose gets more defined as I allow myself to be led by the Pull.

 

Be the Horse and Drink

Sometimes we get complacent and forget we have a specific purpose meant for us in our pursuit of immediate money, rightfully so. However, often in that complacency we begin to get this nagging feeling of not belonging. You know I love a good metaphor so let’s start with this; imagine you’re a horse.

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Yes, you can be a white unicorn for all I care just follow me on this.

You’re grazing in a field near murky water and your passenger starts tugging on the reins to get you to travel up the ridge to the other side. All you know is that you like grazing in the grass and even though the water at the pond is murky you’re glad you have it. You’re tired, chilling and are in no mood to give up this certainty of food and water. What you don’t know is that the passenger is trying to lead you to greener grass and clearer waters. You can either resist the pull at your reins or give in and follow its direction.

Choose wisely.

 

You Can’t Answer the Call if Your Phone ain’t On

As with anything we must incorporate the realities of life into chasing our Pull. Those realities take on the name “light bill” “car insurance” “rent” and much more. At some point we must venture into the highly confusing, uncomfortable environment of a 9 to 5 or third shift or whatever; in order to keep the lights on. This does not automatically mean that you are ignoring your Pull but rather that you are being productive in the process of chasing. The chase is not meant to be comfortable. It’s meant to prepare you.

Knowing what works best for your life and situation is essential. While one person can cut all ties to traditional work to chase their pull another may only be able to engage in the chase through various work experiences. Not all entrepreneurs are meant to submerge themselves full-time into the chase. Many times it isn’t practical or beneficial. I mean , hell, even President Obama was pushing the soft serve at Baskin Robbins at one point in his life. How many times do you think he looked down at the ice cream scoop in his hand and thought “This ain’t it.”

 

 

 

On the outside following the Pull can look a lot like slacking off because you’re not necessarily following the traditional path of go to school, land a job, build a career, start a family. Sometimes it’ll look like changing majors multiple times, it’ll look like applying to different jobs with vastly different industries, it’ll look like moving cities every few years or even switching relationships often. It’s the chase of a pull. The real question is, what’s pulling you?

 

Do you have a PULL Builders? Do you know what it is? Comment below and Let’s Talk!

My PULL is helping people, one millennial mistake at a time.

 

#LetsBuild

The tagline for Let’s Build Futures (One Millennial Mistake at a Time) isn’t just a catchy sentence meant to draw your attention. If you look closely between those lines you can see me kicking myself repeatedly; because if it’s one thing I’m good at, it’s making a really good mistake.

In my best imitation of being an adult I exercised my financial illiteracy like I was training for a triathlon. I enlisted TWICE without asking or receiving a bonus from the military for virtually 12 years of my life and I’ve stayed in an area that is perpetually economically lacking and disappointing. I did all this while patting myself on the head and crooning “Who’s a good adult…You Are…YOU ARE!”

Because I was…wasn’t I? I’ll let you be the judge.

Life has already been the jury and executioner in the matter but while it seems I’ve lost; I’m convinced that I’ve won. Valuable knowledge, unconventional wisdom and the ability to be relatable are lessons that didn’t come with a steep price tag but were born out  of innocence, ignorance and avoidance. I’m left with some obvious gems that I would love to share with you in hopes that you will get “it” sooner than I did. Gems like speaking up, utilizing situational awareness and moving on can help turn those “mistakes” into lessons.

 

Speak The F*** UP!

Gag that annoying little people pleaser in you and ask for what you want/need. In countless areas of life you aren’t being proactive in asking for more not because you don’t need it but because you’re far too concerned about preserving the self-sufficient, honorable image that you think others have of you. When in fact asking for something like a raise would not only help in other areas of your life but it’s probably overdue anyway.

So if it’s a raise, vacation time, or just plain respect that you desire, part those pretty little lips and let it rip. Closed mouths live off eggs and burnt fried bologna but open ones enjoy steak and lobster.

 

Open Eyes Get Fed Too

How can you run a race blindfolded? You got a glimpse of the track and then decided that was all the information you needed. Then the gun shot is fired and not only were your shoe strings untied from the starting line but there was a table set up on the side with useful things that would’ve helped you win, like water and proper running shoes. Now you’re running, tripping all over the track while everyone else is sprinting past you with their Gatorade and fresh track shoes.

You will trip up sometimes; so do that sh*t with flair like this guy!

Just in case this metaphor whizzed past your head then there’s this…

MESSAGE: DO YOUR FREAKING RESEARCH! SEEK HELP THEN TAKE IT! ASK QUESTIONS! EXPLORE OPTIONS! Love yourself enough to know that even with all your background baggage and innocence that the world will say “AWHHHHH poor thing” and exploit that sh*t.

 

The Fountain of Youthful Mistakes

Take a moment to inventory all of the mistakes that have come back to bite you in the booty; now kick yourself. Feel better?

No?

That’s because you didn’t solve anything, you just made yourself feel worse. Forgiving yourself is essential to moving forward and uncovering the real reasons your choices turned out wrong like discussed in Wronging Your Rights . What will also work is acknowledging that regardless of the magnitude of your mistakes, it’s never too late to fix it. Will it be easy, probably not. Will you want to throw in the towel after the first lap, probably so, but can you still make it to the finish line like a Boss? Yes! Shin splints, swollen ankles and all; we’re in this together! #LetsBuild 

 

What are some awesome things that you’ve learned from Your Millennial Mistakes? Comment below and Let’s Talk.

Ever made the right choices and got the wrong results?

Can I raise two hands and a leg to show that I have, multiple times throughout my young adult life?

Currently I’m battling the cancer of student loan debt, have just been informed that my broke ass actually owes the federal government in taxes and still can’t seem to get my blogging schedule on a set pattern. Meanwhile as I scroll my feed for funny videos after a roller coaster day, I find myself double tapping successful business ventures, vacation photos and new home purchases all made by people from the same town/school/background as me.

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In those moments it’s not envy that I feel (‘Cause live your best life boo) but confusion because I want to know how they’re making life look so effortless. Now you know “the home girl” in my head from Fifty Shades of Crazy just coolly reminds me that on social media everyone highlights the good, disregarding the bad; even me. Still, I want to take a moment to be there for those who feel the same confusion.

 

Let’s talk about when you’re doing it right but everything is going wrong.

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Right Concept. Wrong Execution.

So there you are, a degree in one hand and debt in the other.

So there you are, a business in one hand and no support in the other.

So there you are, a plane ticket in one hand and no money in the other.

With a decreasing faith in the “American Dream” and no rich relatives to even fall back on. You did the right thing in seeking an education/starting a business/traveling the world but somehow your execution of the endeavor fell to pieces. This caused damage to how you enjoyed the rewards of your labor. Now your early morning and late night mental question is “Was it worth it?”

You had the right concept,

Get a degree, Get a good job, Escape poverty.

Be a boss, Become a millionaire before 30, Retire at 40.

Travel outside your small town, Experience different cultures, Embrace life.

But you didn’t account for factors outside of your control like the economy, job market, or getting sick. You didn’t account for life being life.

You made a perfect plan for an imperfect world.

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Sometimes the execution is wrong because we didn’t do enough research, get enough details, ask enough questions or have a mentor. It’s OKAY. BREATHE. Adjust your plan. Take where you are now and figure out several ways you can maneuver yourself out of the sticky spot you’re in. Make a plan B for your Plan A and a Plan C for when those don’t work out.  Find a mentor. Make a vision board and know that you’re on the right track just going in the wrong direction.

 

Right Time. Wrong Place.

You’re at the height of your creativity and ambition more than ever before. Ideas and strong work ethic radiate off you like a steam engine but now you just feel like wasted energy. Ever watch a scary movie where the person is running toward a door at the end of the hallway but no matter how fast they’re running the door just gets further away?

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That’s how it feels to be at the right time in your life in the wrong place. You said you’d stay to be close to family. You feel that all you’ve ever known is where you are and moving would be too scary to do alone. But how can you stay in the same spot you’ve seen not work for others who’ve gone before you. If you plant yourself in a different environment/work industry/relationship/city you may just find that your life takes off into the stratosphere.

 

Right Frame. Wrong Mind.

You made it out. The only problem is you don’t realize you made it out. You’re hoarding stacks in your savings because you’re convinced that the peace you have is short-lived and too good to be true. You could take that vacation but you don’t because you’re saving up for a rainy day or twelve rainy days. You could start-up that non-profit/business/program but you don’t think you’re qualified enough. You could not only be making it in life but living out your dreams yet somehow you told yourself that they don’t belong to you.

Right now, you’re in the right time frame with the wrong mindset. Traumatized from the troubles of your past, you inflict unnecessary pain and longing in your present; then you wonder why you’re unhappy even with money in the bank and good credit. Post Traumatic Broke Syndrome  and Suspicions of Me talk a little about this mindset and how to overcome it. You keep waiting for the perfect moment to align in the stars before you make any moves. What you don’t realize it that you’re living in that moment. Take a chance on yourself. Fix the way you see yourself and your circumstances so that you won’t continue to hold yourself back.

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Was it Worth it?

Was it?

I definitely can’t answer that for you. I can; however, encourage you to look at the full scope of your life and your choices. Realize that you’re not the only one at a crossroads in life because if no one else says it, I will…I’m still getting my life on track. I don’t have it all together. I’ve made good decisions with bad execution. In fact, I can relate to all three of the topics I covered. I’ve even made bad decisions and I’m still figuring out this complicated, convoluted, mysterious , beautiful, make you wanna simultaneously cry and laugh, life, out. Let those doing well around you be a beacon of light and hope. Reach out to those doing similar things or overcoming similar things that have happened in your life. The greatest lie of the American dream is the idea that we can go it alone. Everyone needs a little help so let this post be that help.

 

What are some of your “Rights” that turned out Wrong? Let’s Talk about it! Like, Comment, Share and #LETSBUILD

 

 

P.S. I appreciate you stopping by for another Let’s Build post about millennial mistakes and being young, broke and unapologetic. I write about the things happening in my life; attempting to make sense of it all and drop some kind of knowledge along the way. You, my fellow bloggers and followers, have afforded me the opportunity to be honest and vulnerable in my posts. As we step back from this one, I want you to know that even in the mist of my toughest situation I am inspired by your readership and interactions to provide the best material I can. You guys are awesome. Thank You.