What in the Situationship is this?!
So there I was. Knee deep in a situationship that lasted beyond its expiration date like Wal*mart brand milk. It was still good but not nearly as fresh. Half in love and more than half annoyed with myself. It wasn’t the first time I had found myself in this sort of a pickle; however, the realization that I not only wanted more but actually deserved it made it my last. Hopefully…
Still, there’s a distaste for how our generation (millennials) chose to date or situate ourselves around each other. Are situationships really innately bad or is there more to the story of the big bad wolf? One blog platform, Black women who blog, that I participate in simply asked the question, “Do you think it is harder to date as a millennial?” Naturally, my response was as follows:
But then I started thinking…was I giving my lengthy trisks enough credit? Maybe there are some benefits to situationships.
I can hear the collective groan from all the natural hair sistas out there fed up with the young man bobbing and weaving in and out of your life like Floyd Mayweather in every fight ever. Just, hear me out.
So many of us call ourselves the long-term relationship type without fully realizing that it requires full-time, long-term commitment to another person. We’re so focused on finding someone who’s fully invested in us that we forget we’ll have to return an investment of our own. And sometimes that’s the issue. Had I been more committed to myself as a freshman in college then I would’ve never lost my life scholarship chasing after a forever with someone who wasn’t as committed.
We can all recite the host of benefits that comes from a healthy relationship with the right person.Yet, for the working young adult or college student there simply are some benefits to…well…friends with benefits. YES. I dared to say it. Don’t Hate me.
Parents and even older adults my age would love for me to sit up here and tell you the strong black female creed “Focus on yourself girl, don’t let these guys get what they want. It’s all about the money and school and blah, blah, blah”
Truth is whether you’re a female or a male there are basic needs that we usually address either in a relationship or through a situationship. There are other methods too but I’m not that bold to divulge into those. Moving on.
There is a reason why situationships have been on the rise. Yes it could be because everyone’s afraid to commit but maybe one word just sums it up. Convenient.
Having someone pop in and out of your life to make you feel special, service needs, and combat any loneliness you may feel, frees up time for you to focus on your goals without having to factor someone else into your plans.
It’s just convenient. Sad, but true. I’m willing to bet that at some point most people my age have found themselves in the same pickle.We can play victim or we can admit that it was often a two-way street especially when focusing on graduating, or getting that job or starting that business is time consuming.
The real issue with situationships seems to be that we don’t know when to throw that milk out. It spoiled a long time ago but somehow we let it sit in our fridge until December 30th when the expiration date was a month ago. Then we wonder what’s that smell.
Let me say right now I am definitely Team Relationship because I don’t want any backlash from people who think I should only be writing about low income struggles and how to help high school students. This blog also exists to discuss issues young adults face and this is one of them.
I wanted to write this post as an interesting twist on the point of view from situationships. I’m neither condoning nor condemning. Simply put, I hope to foster a healthy discussion about how we interact with one another in the dating process because from what I’ve seen situationships don’t usually led to relationships. So there must to be other mutual incentives that keeps both parties participating.
What do you guys think? Comment below to help me, help you, help us understand. #LetsBuild
I really enjoyed this post! It’s a very interesting perspective and one I feel I agree with. Convenience really is key – and if I could go back and continue to focus on myself and my dreams instead of relationships I definitely would! It’s never too late though I suppose. It’s just a matter of making sure these fools (ie Men) know that we’re more than just a booty call or whatever. Looking forward to more of your content!
Thank You, I felt as though it was important to have this conversation from a different viewpoint because we all know the down falls of situationships. But there’s always two side to every story. I also Love your website content btw